The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

June 22, 2017

Categories: Values

I recently finished reading an interesting book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. The book offers a unique perspective on a problem that many of us struggle with every day. The basic idea behind the book is that we spend too much time and energy worrying about things that aren’t important. We have a limited amount of time and energy to spend, so this is a big problem.

Put another way, the book is about clarifying your values. The reality is that if you care too much about everything, you can’t care well for the things that are most important to you. We need to clarify our values, and only spend our time and energy on the things in our life that are truly worthwhile.

I’ll give you an example from my own life that happened the other day. I was at a restaurant, and I went to the bathroom because I had to take a dump. (Not the most pleasant example, I know, but stick with me.) There was only one stall in the bathroom. As soon as I went into the stall and sat down, another guy walked into the bathroom. I noticed that he was waiting for me to get out of the stall.

For some reason, I felt anxious. I know it’s weird, but I don’t like to inconvenience other people or make them wait, even when it involves something silly like taking a dump in a restaurant. I started to feel rushed, like I needed to hurry up so I could accommodate the dude who was waiting.

But then I remembered the book I was reading! I realized that there was something going on under the surface that had to do with my values. For some reason, I had internalized a value that I needed to accommodate other people and make sure they weren’t inconvenienced, even if it meant putting my own needs and wants last. This shows up in a lot of areas in my life, even when taking a dump at a restaurant bathroom.

This value was operating under the surface, but it was causing a lot of problems in my life. Namely, I was caring too much about what other people wanted or needed, and it interfered with getting my own needs and wants met. I recognized that I needed to be more flexible with this value: Sometimes it is good to prioritize the wants and needs of others, but other times it is good to prioritize my own wants and needs.

What does this mean for my life now? Well, now that I am aware of my values (instead of having them operate unconsciously), I can make choices. I can think about my actions and decide what is in my best interest. In some instances, I might decide it is important to prioritize the other person’s wants, or work out a compromise that could meet both our needs. But as for the guy waiting for my bathroom stall, I got there first. The stall is designed for me to take a dump. He can wait 5 minutes.

Take some time today and think about your values. Analyze the ways you are spending your time and energy. Remember, we each have limited resources. We can’t prioritize everything. Make your values conscious. Write them down. Then make good decisions in your life about what values you want to prioritize. Most importantly, give yourself permission to let the unimportant stuff go.

Categories

Related Thoughts

No Comments

  1. […] for the sake of just accepting and defusing. We work on acceptance and defusion so that we can be free to behave in ways that are consistent with our values. Values involve what is most important to us in life. Values help clarify what it would look like […]

  2. […] that his mission was about justice, healing, and proclaiming the kingdom of God. He was clear—he knew what actions and activities fell at the center of his mission, and what was more peripheral. As you read through the Gospels, you will notice that Jesus had a laser focus with how he lived […]

  3. […] however, we can lose sight of our values. We live in a busy, crowded world, and we can get distracted. We might make what seems like a small […]

  4. […] Values are important because they guide our behavior. Our values are the guiding principles for how we organize and run our life. Whenever we have to make a decision, big or small, we can go back to our values, and check how our proposed course of action lines up (or doesn’t). We choose our values, and it is perhaps the most important decision we make. It’s a good idea to consider how our values line up with the values of Jesus. […]

Leave A Comment

Subscribe To My Newsletter

Join my mailing list to receive the latest blog posts.

Receive my e-book “The Mental Health Toolkit” for free when you subscribe.