One night, I was out to dinner with my wife, and we had a disagreement about how much food to order. Our disagreement had to do with how hungry we were—she was hungrier than I was. We ended up going her way and ordering more food.

Assigning Blame

By the end of the dinner, I was stuffed. As we paid for our dinner, I found myself feeling resentful toward my wife. “I knew we ordered too much food,” I thought to myself. “Now I ate too much, and it’s her fault.”

Whose Business Is It?

Immediately I stopped myself. I had been reading a great book called “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. One of her main points throughout the book is to stay in your own business, which means to focus your energy on your own life and responsibilities.

The amount of sushi I ate that night was 100% my responsibility. My wife didn’t force me to eat those last three rolls, past the point where I was full. What I ate was my business.

On the other side of the coin, if my wife was hungrier than I was and wanted to order more sushi, that’s her business. It’s not my business to control how much sushi we order. But it is my business to take responsibility for how much sushi I eat.

Stay Focused on Your Own Business

Can you see how important it is to stay in our own business, and how easy it is to get mixed up? At dinner, I was in my wife’s business, trying to control how much sushi we ordered. But in doing so, I failed to take care of my own business, and decide how much sushi I wanted to eat myself. I blamed my wife for something that was 100% my responsibility.

Action Step: The next time you are having a conflict with someone in your life, think about whose business you are in. Are you spending a lot of time and energy in the other person’s business? If so, get out of there! Are you taking 100% responsibility for your own business? If not, that is the area where you need to focus.